For many of us that travel on airplanes on a regular basis, we have the benefit of knowing what acceptable behavior should be. For some rookies, might I say they are clueless, and even offensive and/or obnoxious in their behavior. What might some of these behaviors look like?
1. Line cutters
They pay no attention to the boarding call by row or number (Southworst). Or they just crowd up to the front, either hoping the gate attendant will let them board, or make up some lame excuse as to why they are the exception to the rule.
2. Seat hogs
Does it not stand to reason that the arm rests, and leg space is meant to be shared? My basic defense in his situation is a good offense. In other words, I stake out my territory before they do. Failing this, some leg or arm pressure. with a gentle clearing of the throat works on most everyone except the dense. When the passenger is quite large or will not budge, I ask the flight attendant for another seat, preferably in Business or First Class.
3. Stinky feet (focal hyperhidrosis)
My almost fifty years of air travel has taught me that most people have stinky feet. These people should keep their shoes ON! Worse yet are those who insist on wearing those hideous and filthy flip-flops on the plane. Pray tell what they would do in case of a fire or emergency evacuation. Would it be too obvious if I pulled out a spray can of Dr. Scholl’s Food Odor remedy? *Sidebar: do you remember that I said the Orient’s king of fruit, the durian smells like stinky feet? In this case, I will choose stinky feet!!!!
4. Bin hogs
You know who you are. One carry on bag in the storage bin is the limit. Of course, they also place their purchases, coats, musical instruments, and spare sports equipment up there too. Make sure you board before they do. Otherwise, someone told me to just start unloading their junk and place it in the aisle (equally offensive, in my opinion). Rather extreme, but when extreme conditions prevail, extreme remedies are called forth.
5. Tray tables
I wonder what the record is for most times a tray table has been opened and closed on a one hour flight? My guess is around fifty. About the only good thing I can say about Allegiant Airlines is that they have NO tray tables on the back of the seat. In second place are those who use a lap top, but think it is one of those video arcade games that uses a spongy hammer to demolish varmints and culprits. I guess they do not know the meaning of LAP top.
6. Nervous Nellie
These people cannot help their medical condition, whether panic attacks or just plain neurosis. Perhaps they should drive or take Amtrak. I always offer to buy them several alcoholic drinks. However, don’t start acting crazy just for “free” drinks!
7. Toe Tapper
The airplane is hardly the place to do tap dancing. Enough said.
8. Muffled Singer
Almost as bad as the toe tapper, these wannabee singers wearing headphones or earbuds, always seem to be singing that awful wrap (or rap), or worse yet, country. I would welcome a Carrie Underwood look-alike singing songs from the Sound of Music. Or on a desperate day, Wayne Newton, Dean Martin or Perry Como.
9. Window Monitor
Somehow, he or she was appointed window monitor, and has decided to open and close their shade about fifty times a flight. Is that how “Fifty Shades of Gray” got its name?
10. Deplaning Dummy
Is it too much to ask? Wait until your row is ready to exit, rather than try to crowd in front a few feet. You will never get to the front, unless you upgrade to First Class. Live with it!!!