Or how to best piss off a flight attendant. Once the friendly skies were gone, and after 9-11, the flight attendants original mission, that of patient safety and comfort, has long been forgotten, at least by American based airlines. The foreign airlines treat their passengers like gold. I was recently on both a Korean Airlines flight, and a Lufthansa flight. Both were better than anything I have flown domestically.
So, does the cheap fare, and all the “nickel and diming” us give the right to complain about everything? I think not. Likewise, can’t the flight attendant at least pretend to like having a job that pays him/her a salary and travel perks?
So, who are the ones causing all of this animosity between passengers and flight attendants? I assure you it is not me.
1. Coffee, how do you like it! The flight attendant is not a barista at Starbucks or Peet’s. They barely have hot coffee, so a little cream and sweetener is the best you will get. Do not ask for flavors, shots, or whipped cream on top, unless you on Singapore Airlines, in first class, and you say “Please?”
2. Immediately ask for water. A wise man or woman once told me that they sell water in little plastic bottles at the airport. Why are you immune from doing this for yourself? Lazy, or cheap?
3. Ringing the call button. I always thought the call button was for something VERY important, not a refill of Diet Coke or coffee. Someone did not read the memo!
4. Not knowing where you seat is in the row. Again, they airlines have provided a nice little diagram on the overhead rack above each and every row. What a novel idea. Try looking at it once in a while!
5. Taking off your shoes and clipping your nails. Yuck. Do that at home. Nobody, I repeat, nobody wants to see you. And we do not need an instructional video. We all know how to clip our nails, and we do it in the privacy of our own home or hotel room.
6. Touching a flight attendant. This is a real no-no. I would imagine they have been touched in many places over the years. Just try to be civilized. Imagine if someone touched you in your work place?
7. Leaving your headphones on while giving your drink order. Show a little respect. And be ready in case you have to make a second or third choice. And “I’ll take the whole can” is offensive to everyone! Make sure it is offered FIRST!
8. Doing exercises in the aisles or galley. Did you forget to pay your monthly gym membership? Are you showing off for the model/actress sitting in the last row? Are you just plain clueless?
9. Handing over a dirty diaper, used Kleenex, or worse. Flight attendants are not sanitation workers. How would you feel if they waited on you with rubber gloves on their hands?
10. Get a first class upgrade and bitch about everything. Just sit back and enjoy the extra leg and seat room, reclining seat, entertainment package, free snack or meal, and all the booze you can drink in a short time.
11. Abusing the service animal policy. Yes, blind people need a guide dog. But those of you who suffer from anxiety or depression, stuff your dog into your designer bag and hop on Greyhound or Amtrak!!!
12. Starting a sentence with “On my last flight……”. No two flights are ever the same. Stop bragging about how much you travel. Or that you got upgraded to first class. They know all about previous flights.
13. Talking during the safety demo or film. Besides, who cares what you have to say. Can it and let the rest of us listen! After all, this could be Asiana Airlines trying to land at SFO for the first time.
14. Asking what city the plane is flying over. If you care that much, buy a topographical map, or pay attention to your GPS coordinates. This is about as relevant as what color is your umbrella?
15. Telling someone how calm or laid back you are. This is a RED flag! If you have to walk around and tell everyone, you are probably the most difficult passenger on the plane.
16. Sitting in the last row or exit row and asking why the seat does not recline. Duh!
17. No meal in coach? You do remember complaining about how bad airline food was, right? They finally listened. You are now a revenue center instead of a cost center. problem solved!
18. Why is the plane delayed? You will know why when they know. Calm down and relax, like you said in #15.
19. Decide you are more important than anybody else on the plane. This happens more often than it should. Me, me, me!!! You know who you are. You stand up before the plane comes to a stop, you talk on the phone after you are asked to can it, you sneak a third item on with your two carryons. You talk too loud. You do not understand why the plane is making only you late for your meeting.