After about sixty years of air travel, airports, and airplanes, I have seen many crazy things. Here are just a few:
Poor hygiene-well, first of all, most men do NOT wash their hands after using the men’s room. That in itself is as disgusting as it gets. But some other culprits will clip their toe nails on board, file their nails, clean their ears, or place their stinky feet on the back of my seat!!! Or how about the amateur dental hygienists on board who must floss their teeth after EVERY meal?? Don’t even get me started on dandruff, acne pickers, and nose hair trimmers.
Pet stuff-you can guess what happens when a “therapy” dog has to poop while on the plane, even in first class. Not fun!!! Worse yet, how about a pet snake? Yes, I have seen it.
Smelly food-the Asians and Middle Easterners are the culprits here. They make the nauseating smell of McDonalds or Booger King seem like Chanel No. 5!!!!! I have never seen anyone with an In N Out Burger on a plane. Maybe that will be me!!!!
Meltdowns-both sexes, all ages, no limits. It is the way of the world. Thank you, Donald Trump!!!!
Wacky Wed-never fly on a Wednesday. Wacky Wednesday is on steroids in the air!
Jesus Freaks-silent prayer is not a problem, even a few Hail Marys. But getting down n your knees to pray, and hope the plane does not crash? A little extreme, in my view.
Farts-yes, the old Hispanic lady on the way back from Costa Rica, up in first class, just one row in front of us. I had to fan the air while the couple across covered themselves in a blanket. We almost needed the barf bag!
Assholes-a congressman from the Bay Area, initials, TL, was the worst passenger I have ever encountered on an airplane. Aside from treating the airline staff like fourth class citizens, he had a vocabulary of nothing but four letter words. It was embarrassing, to say the least.
Fondlers-you would think that they could keep their hands to themselves for a few hours. Get a hotel room, the blanket is not enough!! And forget about the “Mile High” club!!!! The airplane toilet is the second dirtiest place on the plane.
Newborns-or rather the newborns parents. Why must you change a poopy diaper at your airline seat? Use the special pull down tray in the toilet. It is there for YOU!!!! And please, burp your baby in the OTHER direction, not mine!!!!
Stinky people-how about a shower, or at least some deodorant? The worst were the Grateful Dead on a flight to Denver. I got stuck in first class with them. Pew, pew!!!!
The drunk-always a possibility on any flight over 90 minutes. Once, it was an air marshal, who thought sitting in first class allowed him to drink all he wanted, and to fondle the flight attendants as often as possible.
kim chee-enough said, not appropriate for the airplane.
yogis-why do they wait to get on a plane or to the airport and start their yoga? To show off, of course!
cheap perfume-the dangers of sitting next to anyone female, over 80 comes with enough perfume to fill a brothel.
The all-time winner: how about breast feeding a 7 year old on the plane??? Yes, on an interisland flight in Hawaii!
Pet peeve: why do people have to stand up in the aisle as soon as the plane lands??? My last flight from San Diego had some old fart standing. Next thing I knew, I see him being assisted into a wheelchair. Of course, the Chinese from the mainland have taken over as the worst offenders of this particular form of acrobatics.
I am sure each of you have a story, maybe even a better story. Please share it!
Well, my friend RB, did. He took over 200 dogs and cats on a rescue flight from Mississippi to Seattle. Not only was that loud, I am sure he did not have enough poop bags or kitty litter!!!
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